That Time Someone Sent a Dick Pic to James Monroe

One of my Christmas presents was a book called Presidential Doodles: Two Centuries of Scribbles, Scratches, Squiggles, and Scrawls from the Oval Office by David Greenberg. (Fun fact: Many presidential doodles would make great tattoos!)

Not surprisingly, there aren't many doodles from the earliest presidents. A lot of papers weren't preserved, plus it's probably harder to doodle when you have to keep dipping your quill into ink.

James Monroe doesn't seem to have left behind any doodles of his own, but we do have a doodle that was sent to him. It's a doodle of a penis. Supposedly.

Someone sent him a lovely letter that said:

You are hereby appointed president of The Baltimore Shithouse Cleaning Society. By order of the Committee, Jeremiah Jingle Bolloc, Acting Secy.

I hope you will accept my old

And then there's a drawing of a...thing. I don't use "thing" here as a euphemism for "penis." I mean, it really looks like some kind of...thing? A kitchen implement of some kind? I showed Mr. Presidentressor and he guessed starship. If the letter hadn't gone on to specify, I probably wouldn't have guessed penis.

But thankfully the letter does go on, immediately after that:

(i.e. cock). You are worthy of the appointment and it is worthy of you. Yours intimately, J. Jinglebolloc.

Hurra for the shitter presidents

I'm not sure if taking a photo of a public-domain drawing (which I imagine it is) in a copyrighted book is okay, so I went ahead and drew Mr. Jinglebolloc's member to the best of my abilities. (Based on my drawings of Chester Arthur and Woodrow Wilson, you can decide for yourself how much stock to put in it.)

Mr. Jinglebolloc's Jingle Bolloc

Really, though, that's what it looks like.

It's worth nothing that author Greenberg says, "Scholars of the early republic suspect [Jeremiah Jinglebolloc] was not his real name."

This just goes to show that the level of intelligence and civility you'll find in today's political discussions on Facebook existed in the early 1800s as well.